Tag: parenthood

he had some Gravol before bed

I took Elliot to the medical clinic tonight for an issue related to his boy parts (we’ll just keep it at that to protect his dignity). As we were waiting our turn, he told me his tummy hurt. This was the third time he’d told me that today, and usually it means he has to poop. So we went into the bathroom. I pulled down his pants and tried to put him on the toilet, and he planked on me. I put him back on the floor, and he complained again about his tummy. He then grabbed his throat and sputtered “I’m going to spit-up, Mum!”. I knew vomit was imminent. I had the wherewithal to get out of his way, but not to point him toward the toilet. He proceeded to puke all over the bathroom floor, his clothes and his shoes, all with his pants halfway down his legs.

The poor guy. Although he felt so much better afterwards that he perked up right away, and watched while I cleaned up the bathroom floor. I could have let the receptionist do it, but I felt bad for her, cleaning up some other kid’s puke. So she gave me gloves and some cleaner and I did it. We had a long wait, so it gave me something to do. This is the first time I’ve had to clean up that particular type of mess, and I dreaded this day. Surprisingly, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.

We finished up our wait in the clinic, went to the pharmacy to get some drugs, then headed home. Thankfully the second puke session happened in our bathroom, in front of the toilet, and it all made it in the bowl, thanks to Greg.

As Greg mentioned in a recent tweet, we are dreading the middle-of-the-night clean-up that is bound to be happening tonight.

Oh, and let this be a lesson that carrying around a spare set of clothes for your child is not wasted effort.

rejoining the rat race

I’ve just finished my second day back at work. Two days down, thousands to go. There were ups and downs. Getting out of the house was a bit stressful for me, but for no real reason. It actually went pretty smoothly. I think I was just out of practise.

Elliot’s drop-off on Monday was pretty seamless and Greg did Amy’s, which involved a few tears, but not many. I was met getting off the elevator at work by my two bosses and a friend, all of them with hugs. Everyone had warm hellos for me, and on my desk there was a bouquet of flowers, four framed pictures of my kids and a gift bag filled with goodies and a new mug. Plus a co-worker had baked a bunch of goodies in my honour. I couldn’t have felt more welcome.

Dinner Monday was a bit hectic, but we managed to get through it (through cries of “Mum, play with me”), got the kids bathed, lunches ready, and Greg and I even managed to watch an hour of TV.

Elliot’s drop-off today was again fine, and I did Amy’s as well. That one wasn’t fine. I walked down the driveway hearing her screams fade. I called once I was at work and she’d calmed down a bit, but it took her an hour before she was herself again.

Dinner tonight went a lot more smoothly, probably because Elliot played outside and Amy was in a much better mood then the previous evening. She’s definitely on the mend from her cold.

Work is a bit slow as we’re waiting for some contracts to get signed, but I’m muddling my way through. I know things will pick up eventually. It feels both strange and familiar to be there. There are four new people (which is a lot when you only work in an office of 15 people), and they’ve been there for a while so they’ve established relationships with the people I already know. I’m sitting at my same desk with my same podmates, which is great.

I went for a walk on Monday at lunch at saw a few mums with strollers. I felt a twinge of something, but it didn’t last long. I am definitely ready to be back at work, I am just looking forward to it feeling normal again.

I’m thankful that my return will be so gradual, mostly because the kids aren’t plunged into four days of daycare a week. And it’s nice for me as well, to get back into the work thing slowly.

Our evenings won’t be as relaxed as we try to get everything ready for the next day, and it’s making me think about what day I’ll take off when I do go back four days a week. I was originally thinking of taking Fridays off, but I’m wondering if Wednesdays would be better. Then the kids get a midweek break from daycare and Greg and I get a break from frantic evenings. I might try it that way and see how it goes.

Speaking of frantic evenings…I’m going to end this now so I can spend some of this evening relaxing with my husband. After I do our menu plan, of course.

and she breathes a sigh of relief

I’ve just had the kind of day that makes me glad I’m going back to work. Amy has a cold and didn’t sleep all day, and Elliot was a bear. Probably in part because Amy didn’t sleep — I wasn’t able to spend any one-on-one time with him.

He kicked, he hit, he threw toys and he generally didn’t listen.

One plus to the day was we went to Hillside and got one of those double car strollers for the first time, and both kids loved it.

Actually, in hindsight it was just the afternoon that sucked. The morning was fine. And now they are both asleep, so the evening is going fine as well.

an emotional roller coaster

The end of a really good era arrived for Elliot (and us) a couple of weeks ago. For the past two years he’s been going to a good friend’s house for daycare, and he’s been loving it. When I’d tell him it was a daycare day, his response would be “Yay!”. When we’d drop him off he’d say a quick goodbye and then often follow it up with “You go now, Mum”. There were several times when he’d be in tears because we were leaving at the end of the day. Greg and I consider ourselves very lucky to have had this arrangement for so long.

Sadly, she’s closing her doors soon, and I’m going back to work in a couple of weeks. Thankfully we found a space in another daycare, a centre that’s had him on their waitlist for three years. Amy will also soon start there, but probably not until June (in the meantime the aforementioned friend and Gramma are helping out with her).

Elliot and I both went to visit the daycare last Tuesday, and since then he’s been on his own there three times, including this morning. He’s only stayed about three hours each time.

The drop-offs are as expected. Cries of “you stay, Mum”, physically clinging to me, tearfully waving to me out the “goodbye window”. It feels horrible. And while it helps on a theoretical level to know that millions of children and parents have survived this transition, it doesn’t really help on an emotional level. I still feel like a terrible mother.

I think if this were a necessity I’d feel a bit better about it, but this is a choice Greg and I have made. We do not want to make the drastic lifestyle changes required to have me not work, and even if we did want to, I do not want to be a stay-at-home mum.

I’ve referred to an emotional roller coaster in this post’s title, but it’s probably better described as an emotional hole. Because there have been no ups. When I think about daycare I almost get sick to my stomach. When I drop him off, I’m nervous, although I think I’m able to hide that from him. When I pick him up we have a happy reunion, but it doesn’t make me feel any better that he is so happy to see me. I imagine he’s been missing me terribly for the past three hours.

I know I’m not giving him enough credit. Kids are incredibly resilient and adaptable. Elliot can fend for himself when he needs to, and he does it a whole lot better without me than with me. I’m his safety net, which is how it should be, and I shouldn’t assume that his behaviour when he’s around me is the same as when I’m not there.

I’ve been getting positive reports from his teacher, but they are brief. I want to be a fly on the wall and actually see him having fun there. I’ve had a glimpse of it when I pick him up, but then he sees me and it’s all about going home NOW. Plus the picture in my head that’s more permanent is of him tearfully waving at the window.

This really sucks, and I’ll be happy when we are through this transition. I know we will get there. If we don’t, then we’ll find something else for him, but it doesn’t help much now.

the looooooooong afternoons

I’m still struggling with this no-nap thing with Elliot. It feels like I have NO time during the day to myself. Oh wait, I don’t! It’s just hard to get used to.

We have been trying quiet time, and sometimes it works, but usually he just keeps calling for me. I tell him I won’t come in again, but then he screams and Amy wakes up and then I’ve got two kids awake and grumpy.

Last night Greg suggested using a timer, which I thought was a good idea. Elliot got in his crib (he always starts his quiet time willingly) and I told him I’d start the timer, and when he heard the beep, he could call for me. I left, and he called me back, needing something or other. I went in and again explained to him the concept of the timer.

I went downstairs to make a hot chocolate, and with the milk steamer going I could hear him calling for me, but I couldn’t hear what he was saying. I ignored him. When the milk was done, I turned off the steamer. Then I heard “I need to poo!!!” And he doesn’t joke about this subject. So I ran upstairs, and he’d already pooped in his underwear. A BIG one. It was lovely.

So much for quiet time.

tomorrow’s going to be a bit more about elliot

Had another so-so day today. Didn’t help that Amy had diarrhea three times. Thankfully she’s still in diapers. Elliot watched about four hours of TV today…that’s basically how we got through the day. I’m so tired that I’m wondering if I’m coming down with whatever bug the kids have.

But I still went out for ladies night. It was just me and K, but it was nice to be out of the house, away from kids, away from all the unpacking, and with a good friend.

I realized that Elliot is probably going through a lot of emotions too, and I’m really not giving him the time he deserves. So tomorrow I’m going to try to focus on him a bit (no, a lot) more. Screw the house.

Now I’m off to bed. Tomorrow’s a new day.

some days i can cut him some slack, some days i can’t

It wasn’t a great day. I just didn’t seem to have any patience with Elliot, and that makes me feel crappy. Sure we’ve just moved, sure I’m feeling emotional about that, sure our house is a bit of a disaster, sure I’m tired, but it’s no excuse. I wish I could parent to my full abilities all the time. But in the moment, it doesn’t happen. Today I just felt angry whenever he cried, stalled, whined, didn’t listen, etc. And lately I feel like every second sentence is of the form: “If you keep [insert behaviour I don’t like], [insert consequence] will happen.”

And as I write this, he’s crying as Greg tries to get through the bedtime routine. I feel like crying myself.

This no napping thing isn’t helping, but when he naps he’s up until 9:30 or 10:00, which does NOT work for me.

Tonight I’m supposed to go for my run, but it’s the last thing I feel like doing.

parenting two kids

Yesterday wasn’t my best day as a mother. I’m going to blame the fact that we’re moving in two days and I was trying to get stuff done while caring for two kids. This was frustrating me, and I took it out on the kids a couple of times. Well, let’s be honest here, I took it out on Elliot. Although Amy got a piece of it when I dropped a hard plastic toy on her head while I was trying to stop Elliot from pulling said toy away from her.

Anyway, the day is over, we survived and today’s going much better. Gramma is here so I was able to go to preschool with Elliot, sans Amy, which was nice for Elliot and me. Then we did a couple of errands and it was so easy just having one child.

Up until now, parenting two kids has been busy, but not very difficult from a how-to-handle-this perspective. Amy hasn’t been moving, and Elliot’s been pretty amazing with her. But now Amy is starting to get into things. She’s grabby, she pulls hair, she takes toys, and she (heaven forbid) touches Elliot. I’m already finding it difficult to mediate, and she isn’t even crawling yet. Yes, she’s too young to understand, but I don’t want her to wreak havoc on Elliot’s life.

I was thinking it’d be easier once they have two rooms, but that will only work if Elliot plays in his room on his own while Amy and I hang out in her room. That’s not a lot of fun for Elliot. Although I think I will instate the rule that toys he doesn’t want Amy to play with should stay in his room, and I can help ensure Amy doesn’t get into them.

As with everything so far, I supposed I’ll adapt to the upcoming changes. It’s never going to stop, this need to adapt. Not for a long time, anyway!

he IS a delightful child

I am still learning how to live with my son and his tentative nature. It’s not specifically the tentativeness that is hard, I think given any noticeable personality trait I’d still be learning. Last week we went to two activities which have made me think more about Elliot’s nature and how I react to it (both internally and externally).

Wednesday’s activity was a visit to a friend’s sportball class, which had about eight kids and at least one parent per child. When we arrived, the room was empty and Elliot immediately started running around. The instructor soon arrived with some balls, gave one to Elliot and he started kicking it around. I was impressed with how comfortable he was. The class started off with circle time with some songs and a story, and Elliot was interactive with the instructor, which was surprising. It usually takes him much longer to warm up.

Then the actual sportball activities started, and he started to withdraw. The first activity was to run and stop when the instructor whistled, and Elliot would have nothing to do with it. The instructor tried to engage him, but that never works with Elliot. It wasn’t until the balls came out that he started to engage again. (As I write this, I’ve had a bit of an epiphany. In music class last year, Elliot didn’t get involved until the instruments were handed out. In swimming lessons, he’s often happier if he has a toy in his hands. Something to remember. There might be security in having something else to focus on.)

But back to sportball. Elliot eventually participated in each activity, but it always started with him withdrawing. And whenever the instructor tried to talk to him, Elliot looked down and seemed angry (I’m pretty sure it’s not anger, just a deflection technique, but on the outside he looks angry.) To the instructor’s credit, he did a great job at trying to engage Elliot, but he didn’t push too much. I wish all instructors were as good with Elliot as he was.

At the end of the class the instructor and I had a short discussion about sportball, and for some reason I felt I had to explain that Elliot was shy. Elliot wasn’t even the subject of the conversation, it just came up when he asked me about the instructor we’d had when Elliot did sportball last year. I feel this need to explain my son’s behaviour, and I don’t like it. I don’t like the “shy” label, and I don’t know why I use it.

Thursday’s activity was the Oak Bay “Pre-preschool” program, which has about ten kids and one parent per child. This week was our second week. Things were moving along quite well until circle time, which is at the end of the hour. Elliot likes it, and he quickly sat down in the circle when it was time. But they start with Ring Around the Rosie, standing up. And Elliot does NOT like this. I knew he wasn’t going to participate, and I didn’t push him. But the teacher kindly asked him to move so he wouldn’t get stepped on, and he lost it. Lying on the floor, crying and screaming kind of lost it. I was a bit shocked. He started telling me he wanted to go home, but I didn’t want to leave.

One of the other mums offered to take Amy (thankfully) so I could pick Elliot up. We walked away from the circle and I tried to figure out what was wrong. Difficult for a two-year-old to explain. My guess was that too much attention was focused on him when he was asked to move, but it really wasn’t that much attention. He did eventually calm down and we re-joined the circle. He didn’t participate in much, but he did peek around the boy in front of him so he could see the story being read.

So…the point of this post? I have realized that I’m not as accepting of his nature as I thought I was. My gut reaction is to try to explain away his behaviour as shyness and tentativeness. Yes, these are some traits of his, but why do I feel the need to “explain away”? Why not just accept him for who he is?

And my son’s nature is in no way a reflection of my parenting. The sooner I can learn that, the better. What IS a reflection of my parenting is how well I can support him through the difficult situations that he faces, where I draw the line between encouragement and pushing him too hard, and how I accept him for who he is. I’ve still got some work to do.