family – Page 4 – if i had a blog…

and here’s part two

We arrived home after our aborted beach outing right before Elliot’s nap time. This is a bit risky, but usually we can make it through without too many tears. Not so today.

He was great for his diaper change, but when I said it was time to read books, the trouble started. He didn’t want to stop playing with his cars. I’m not sure what order it all happened in, and I don’t really want to rehash it all anyway, but there was screaming, crying, spitting, throwing, kicking, stomping and hitting (my glasses were thrown from my face with the force of the hit).

My struggle is keeping to my guns. Well, not so much keeping to my guns, but how to proceed once I’ve decided on the consequence. After he’d screamed and spat multiple times, I decided there would be no books. Just songs. I don’t feel I can skip the songs because he needs some sort of calming period before bed. I gave him plenty of warnings about no books, mostly because I think he’s still young, and I don’t want to be too rough on him. Plus he was so exhausted. But with the exhaustion, I wonder how much of this is actually sinking in, so I wonder if it’s worth it to stay the course. It would have been an easier process if I’d relented and allowed books once he’d finally calmed down. But I don’t want him to think that his behaviour is acceptable.

My other struggle is to contain my own anger, or at least react appropriately so he can learn how to do the same. After he hit me, I was MAD. And when he threw a car, I just got madder. I think I probably yelled. I know I grabbed him not-so-gently and sat him down.

I wanted to just put him in his crib until he calmed down, but when I did that, he started trying to frantically climb out. So I was worried about him hurting himself.

Then when my anger subsided I just wanted to hold him until he calmed down, but he was still too frustrated and he just kicked.

I don’t know what finally calmed him down. I did end up putting him in his crib again, and he must have just exhausted himself, because he didn’t try to climb out. He just looked at me forlornly. After a few minutes I asked if he wanted to sing some songs with me, and he said yes.

So in the end we had a good cuddle, a few songs, I told him I loved him and we parted ways at peace, him happily lying in his crib. Which is the end result I wanted, I just would like to find a less stressful way of getting to that result. Coming home earlier would have been smarter, but lots of times it works out fine, so it’s unpredictable.

Perhaps more play time before going to bed would be good, regardless of what time it is. Because this whole process took over half and hour anyway — I may as well have let him play for 15 minutes and then start the naptime routine. He’d end up being in bed about the same time. I will try that next time.

bad day: part one

So it’s a lot of work getting out of the house with two kids. It’s even more work when you’re going to the beach. There’s the sun screen, the hats, the beach blanket, the beach toys…just generally more stuff. Then there’s the shade issue when you have an under six-month-old who can’t where sunscreen. But Elliot loves the beach, so to the beach we went.

We decided on Esquimalt Lagoon, mostly because I’ve never been there. We got out of the house by 9:30, amazingly, and Amy fell asleep in the carseat on the way there (after screaming bloody murder while I got ready). That was fine, though, as I was hoping she’d just stay asleep in the seat while Elliot played.

We get there, get all the ~~crap~~ beach stuff out of the car, get everything set up, and Amy wakes up crying. And it’s WINDY. Annoyingly windy. Elliot doesn’t want to wear his hat. Amy’s screaming. Life’s great.

Jen arrives with her two charges, and Carys has fallen asleep on the way. I need to feed Amy, so I offer to sit in Jen’s car, feed Amy, and let Carys sleep a bit longer.

I feed Amy, and the boys play while Jen looks on. Things are looking up. Amy seems happier. I get out of the car, go back to the beach, put Amy into her carseat so she can get some shade, and she starts crying again. I am assuming she’s tired, but in hindsight I actually think it was the wind.

Elliot takes his hat off. I tell him he has to put it on, or we are going to go. That will surely work, as Elliot LOVES the beach. “Go home, Mum.” Oh dear. Did I mention how much work it was to get there? “No wear hat, go home.” Okay, so maybe we’ll try the food tactic. It works for all of three minutes. Amy continues to cry.

I look at Jen. She looks at me. Should we go? We make the decision to go back to her place. Complicating the decision is a third friend is supposed to join us…how do we let her know? Neither of us has a phone. Thankfully she showed up before we left, so that solved that issue.

We pack all the stuff back into the car, and I use the term “pack” lightly here. Everything’s covered in sand after our 20 minute stay at the beach.

Both kids are back in the car. Both are not crying. Things are again looking up.

We headed back to Jen’s and had quite a nice visit and play there. Part two of the bad day didn’t start until we got home. Part two will be posted later, after I’ve had a drink. It’s not too early for alcohol, is it?

a trip down memory lane

I’m going through Elliot’s old clothes so I can pass them on to a couple of friends, and it’s an interesting process. I can’t say it’s difficult, but I can’t say it’s easy, either. On the one hand, I’m liking the memories that some of the clothing evokes, on the other hand, I’m not liking trying to decide what to keep (or, more accurately, trying to decide what NOT to keep).

There’s the outfit he and Amy both wore home from the hospital:

There’s the first shirt I got for him, before he was born, complete with tiny foxes:

The Sprout shirt from Gran:

The puppy outfit from England, from Auntie Jan:

The first sun hat I got for him (despite how un-masculine it looks):

The shirt and shorts outfit from Gran, fresh from Hawaii:

The fox gear from his beloved daycare provider:

And the fleece coat specially made by Gramma:

And that’s just the first year!

I will keep some stuff, tucked away in a box that I may never look in again. I like the feeling of knowing that I’ve kept some things from his early years. They may not have much meaning to many people, including even Elliot, but they are chock-full of wonderful memories for me.

a day i won’t soon forget

This morning we headed down to the Victoria Day Parade with the Verges. After an enjoyable couple of hours, Jen and I headed back to my car with the hungry girls so we could nurse them. I was parked on Burnside Road, which was busy because of the parade. The road was also wet from rain.

We had been sitting there for about ten minutes chatting and breastfeeding Amy and Carys when all of a sudden I heard a screech of tires behind us. I can’t remember if I looked in my mirror or if I actually turned around, but I caught a glimpse of a car headed straight for us. Then came the awful noise of cars crashing together, and we jolted forward, into the car parked ahead of us.

My first thought was Amy. I looked down and she appeared to be fine. My next thought was Jen and Carys. They both seemed fine as well. We both then leaped out of the car, very shaken up and angry. A woman with two adult passengers and two kids had hit us. Apparently traffic had slowed to a stop in front of her, and when she went to put on the brakes her gas pedal stuck, so she didn’t stop. She hit the car ahead of her, and then she bounced into us. I suspect she accidentally pressed the gas and the brake at the same time, but I can’t be sure.

No one was hurt, thank goodness. Someone not involved in the accident called 911, and an ambulance arrived shortly after the accident. I tried to call Greg, who was still watching the parade, but got his voice mail. Thankfully he showed up right before the ambulance did. The police and the fire truck arrived pretty quickly as well. The police took everyone’s statements, and the firefighters checked for any fluid leaks from the cars. Elliot thought it was all pretty cool, as he was oblivious to what had happened and was focussed on all the emergency vehicles. Probably a good thing.

Both Jen and I were (and still are) very shaken up. Mostly because we imagined what could have happened. If the car had been going faster, if we hadn’t been holding on to our kids, if I had been getting out of the car…it’s scary thinking of all the what ifs.

But we are all safe and sound. My neck and back are a bit sore, and I’ll probably be stiff tomorrow, but I don’t think it’s anything serious.

In addition to the emotional and physical impact, there is the practical impact. There is significant damage to the back of our car, and some (hopefully) minor damage to the front. Greg and I are due to go to the mainland on Friday, so we need a car that fits both car seats, our stuff and the dog. The car seats unfortunately don’t fit in our truck. So I’m hoping things go smoothly with ICBC, and we can get a suitable rental.

But again, thank goodness we are all unharmed. That is by far the most important thing.

saying goodbye

I’ve got all sorts of thoughts and emotions running around in my head as a result of Amy’s arrival, and I’m hoping to get at least some of them down here over the next few days.

One of the things I am looking forward to with Amy is not having to adjust from a life without children to a life with children. It took a long time — longer than I thought it would — for me to make this adjustment when Elliot arrived. I know there will be lots of other adjustments, but at least I’ve already plunged into a child-filled world. I have some idea of what to expect, and I have some idea of how much less time I’ll have for me.

But something I wasn’t expecting is a feeling of sadness that has accompanied Amy’s birth. Part of it is hormones, part of it is feeling sad about the end of my pregnancy, knowing it was my last one, but I think the majority of the sadness comes from the realization that Greg, Elliot and I have reached the end of the road as a threesome. We have had a lot of fun over the past two years, and I say goodbye to that threesome with regret.

Thankfully the regret is coupled with a whole lot of anticipation for what’s in store for us as a foursome.

accomplishments

Here’s what Greg and I did this weekend…

Friday night we went out for a very nice dinner with KaptainK and JJ. This was the first visit to the restaurant for Greg and I, and I wasn’t disappointed. My only regret was I should have had more of the yummy frites and skipped dessert. I’m definitely a savory sort of person.

Saturday morning we slept in, then headed out for some classic eggs benny for breakfast. It was yummy, but driving home I was feeling pretty full of rich food — a breakfast of fruit salad may have been smarter.

When we got home I got busy on shampooing the carpets upstairs…always an exercise in restraint as I stop myself from seeing just how many times I can go over the same spot until the steam cleaner stops sucking up brown, opaque water.

While I was doing the carpets, Greg got to work on cutting back the Escallonia outside our front door. In the past six years it has grown out of control, and this year we decided to hack it right back. Makes for quite a different view out the front door.

Escallonia Hacked

When I was done the carpets, I joined Greg outside and helped him take all the garden waste to the municipal yard. I also got some of the leaves raked, my pots cleaned up and put away for the winter, and cut back some of the dead plants in the garden.

After that, it was on to Thetis for a dog walk with a much appreciative Yoshi (with a stop at Starbucks beforehand), a stop at PetSmart for some more fish, and a quick lunch.

Once home with a tired pooch and a tired pregnant woman, I was off for a two-hour nap while Greg did some computing. When I woke up we had a gourmet dinner of hot dogs and parked ourselves in front of the TV for three hours. We’re totally hooked on the new version of Battlestar Gallactica.

Sunday morning we had another sleep-in, and after a breakfast of French toast, it was back to work. I tackled the basement while Greg did the garage. It was basically just a reorganization of the clutter, but at least the clutter’s out of the way now. It actually feels like I have a laundry room again. And thank goodness we have a garage. Where else would we store five bikes (keep in mind there are only TWO adults living in this house), three strollers and a wagon (keep in mind there is only ONE toddler living in this house) and a whole crapload of gardening, camping and sporting paraphernalia.

Basement Clutter Moved

Clear Path to Laundry

Garage – This IS an Improvement

After the basement/garage clean up, we headed out to Elk Lake for another dog walk (again with a pre-walk stop at Starbucks). Yoshi was in his element, leaping through the long grass in the fields.

We then did our weekly grocery shop (oh yeah, we also got a menu plan done in the morning) and came home. After lunch I headed off for another nap while Greg again did some computing.

Post nap I cleaned up the sunroom, made dinner (and finally had my first success in making beef gravy), brownies and granola.

Now it’s kitchen clean up time, followed by some more Battlestar Gallactica.

But the best part of all was I spent the whole weekend with my husband.

So…how does one get this done with a toddler? Well, Elliot spent the weekend with Gramma. He’s been gone since Friday morning and he’s not back until tomorrow afternoon. We are definitely missing him (a LOT), but at the same time it’s been nice to get some stuff done. And he’s having a good time with Gramma.

It’ll be a sweet reunion tomorrow afternoon.

weird day

I took a sick day today, and it’s been a bit strange. I’ve been away from Elliot a lot, but never in our house for this long. I keep thinking I hear him waking up from a nap.

It’s been an okay day. I’m not dying or anything, just a bad cold. I did a bit of scrapbooking in the morning, realized I was exhausted, and I just slept for three hours. I was hoping that would make me feel better, but I feel worse. Hopefully it’s just the groggy waking up feeling.

I’m looking forward to the distraction of having Elliot and Greg home.

my circle of influence

I was going to post this as a comment to M’s post, but I decided it warranted an actual post on my site.

K was telling me about this Globe and Mail article on Friday, and ever since I’ve been struggling with how I feel about it. I read the first page and then didn’t read more because I am too cheap to pay $5.00 for something that I know will depress me. I did, however, read a few other Internet articles on Bisphenol-A (most of them very biased).

Anyway, I’ve decided I am getting sick of hearing how many terrible things I am doing for myself, the environment and for my son. So this afternoon I took stock on some things I’m doing right (in no particular order):
– We recycle everything we’re allowed to recycle.
– We wash in cold water, most of the time.
– We don’t use dryer sheets.
– We dry clothes on the line when the weather permits.
– We don’t flush the toilet all the time (as the saying goes on Hornby, if it’s yellow, be mellow, if it’s brown, flush it down).
– We wear sunscreen.
– We exercise, providing a healthy example for Elliot.
– We eat well, again providing a good example for Elliot.
– We carpool to work, most days.
– We compost.
– We have an earthquake kit.
– And most importantly from Elliot’s point of view, we love him to bits.

This is not to say that we can’t improve, because I know we can do a lot more. And this is not to say that I’m going to ignore the information on Bisphenol A, or the next thing that comes out. I just don’t want to drive myself crazy worrying about things that I can’t easily control.

Statistically speaking, every day that I get in the car with Elliot, I put him in danger. But if we didn’t get in that car, we’d be missing out on something. A walk in the park, a visit with a friend, a chance for him to learn something new.

I just want to keep some perspective.

reflections

A year ago right now I was lying in a hospital bed in the worst pain I could imagine.

So far today I’ve had breakfast with my son, played with him, gone for a walk with him and Yoshi, and opened his birthday presents with his Dad. And now I’m about to go make a birthday cake.

Although the outcome of that day a year ago was the most amazing event of my life, overall I’m liking today a lot better.

I think every parent feels that time goes by fast when it comes to their children, and I’m no exception. I look at pictures of Elliot when he was born and I can’t believe it was such a short time ago. We’ve had such a great year, Greg, Elliot and I, and given how fast time is going by, I’m glad we’re only just starting year two.

Thanks for all the birthday wishes for Elliot — he’s one loved little boy.

ferry fun

I have taken the ferry so often over the past 15 years that it has become a chore. I hate to admit it, as it’s such a beautiful trip, but that is how I feel. Or felt.

I just did a round trip with Elliot, and I’ve got a renewed sense of enjoyment for the ride. Now that he’s crawling around and so easily entertained, we just hung out in the children’s play area and had a great time. 90 minutes of playing one-on-one with him — no email, phone or housework distractions. (Although I have to admit on the trip home Greg was with us, so I did take the opportunity to read for a few minutes.)

And lots of interesting kids and parents to chat with as well.