Tag: Elliot

mission accomplished

This morning I got up early, donned my long underwear, fleece, toque and mitts, acted like a good Canadian and stopped for a tea and breakfast sandwich at Tim Horton’s, and headed out on a mission. To register Elliot in kindergarten.

I had no idea what to expect. I’ve heard of people lining up in the wee hours of the morning to get into the elementary school of their choice. This goes against every grain of my being. We have one elementary school that is near us. The idea of having to WAIT IN LINE to register my son in the only PUBLIC school close to us just seems ludicrous. And had it not been for me requiring after school care for him, I would have taken a much more relaxed approach, stopped off at the school at a reasonable hour and then continued on to work.

But I really want to get him in the care facility that is physically in the school, and I was told that the registration for it started today as well. So there I was, ready to wait in line in the cold. I actually didn’t arrive that early…it was about 7:30. I drove into the parking lot and there were all of four cars there. And no one waiting outside. No lawn chairs set up, no blankets out. No people. I think I was expecting a concert ticket line up.

I debated what to do (sit in the car or leave and return at 8:00) when I realized I may as well check if the school was open. It was. And they’d set up a long line of chairs for parents to sit (in order) to register. And there was one person in line. One. I sat down beside him and we laughed at how keen we were.

Everything proceeded very smoothly and Elliot is #2 in the list for the French Immersion program (and #1 does not live in the catchment area) and he’s #1 on the list for after school care. The manager pretty much guaranteed that he’d get in.

So I may be a keener, but I got the job done (and stayed very warm in the process). And I was surprised how good I felt getting it done. I think it was weighing on me a bit.

take a deep breath

I seem to be having a lot of parenting moments lately where after the fact I realize I could have handled the situation more…shall we say maturely. I don’t know if the kids are actually acting any differently or if I just have less patience. I haven’t been sleeping well due to Amy’s frequent wake-ups, so it very well could be the latter.

Hindsight is always 20/20, but these are very small incidents where right after I react (and the child in question reacts to my reaction) I realize I haven’t handled things well. Tonight there were two good examples. The first was when Amy hit me (she’s a bit of a hitter) while I was putting her pajamas on. Now I’m not saying hitting is okay, but there was a reason she hit me. I had irrationally got mad at her for taking her pj’s off while she was on the toilet. She almost always does this when she’s having a poop and I don’t think I’ve ever got mad at her. But tonight my patience was down and as soon as she did it, I got mad. And she knew I was mad. I whipped her off the toilet and shoved her in her pajamas. And she hit me. My reaction? I pretty much pushed her out of the bathroom, pajamas half on, and told her to go to her room. Okay. So first off, how about chill on the whole taking the pj’s off issue, since it’s never been an issue before. Second, how about recognize there was a reason she was frustrated and mad, acknowledge her feelings, and tell her it’s not okay to hit. And then continue to put her pj’s back on and get on with bedtime.

The second incident was with Elliot. He was brushing his teeth and I asked him to let me finish, which we do every night. He started goofing around and running away from me. Again, patience wearing thin, I reacted by taking away the cars he was playing with. This may sound minor, but taking away his cars is a HUGE deal to him. And I know this. Not a good consequence for merely goofing around. He got angry and threw his toothbrush at me. Then he started screaming. I started putting more cars away, and he screamed louder. Great. I felt like screaming too. And right away I knew I could have easily avoided the escalation if I had just ignored his goofing around.

Like I said, this seems to be happening a lot. Tomorrow I’m off and have the kids with me, and I’m feeling under the weather. I’m hoping that by writing this I have made myself more aware of what’s going on, and I can remember to just take a moment before reacting…and then hopefully react a bit more constructively. It’s not that these things shouldn’t be addressed, it’s just that I’d like to be able to feel good about how I’ve handled it, not feel like I’m the same age as my children.

supportive older brother

It’s very windy out right now — the house is shaking — and the kids have just gone to bed.

After a particularly big gust:

Amy: Wind ‘cares me Mum.

Me: It’s just wind Amy. It’ll blow the trees around and there will be lots of leaves on the ground in the morning.

Elliot, calling very cheerfully from his room: You like leaves, don’t you Amy?

pants!

It’s been a slow, painful decline over the past few months, and now Elliot’s down to two pairs of pants and four t-shirts that he’s willing to wear. Thankfully the t-shirts are somewhat presentable, because Pair of Pants “A” are a size three pair of grey sweats with cuffs that are too short and knees you can see through, and Pair of Pants “B” are a blue pair of sweats that are baggy and very clown-like. I can understand his aversion to jeans, but he’s got other pants that aren’t jeans that he refuses to wear. And when I say refuse, I mean all out screaming refuse. I just don’t go there any more…I do laundry instead and make sure Pants A and B are clean.

As for t-shirts, again I don’t understand it. Especially because many of the t-shirts he refuses to wear he wore quite happily two months ago. I realize part of a preschooler’s makeup is to try to exert some control, but I ran out of patience on this one about three weeks ago.

So. On to the point of my post. I thought a workable solution would be to find some more sweat pants for him. But can I find any in this city? NO. And don’t tell me it’s the wrong time of year because I HAVE found fleece pants. And yes, he’ll wear those, but it’s a bit hot for them right now. I’ve been to several different places, including consignment stores, and have come up empty-handed.

So if anyone sees a size four pair of sweat pants in their travels, BUY THEM. PLEASE.

As an aside, Amy also refuses to wear jeans, but it’s not an issue. Why? Because of cotton leggings. They are everywhere, they are cute, and they are comfortable. Thank God. One is all I can handle.

maybe i’ll sic fiesty little Amy on him…

So further to my last post about Elliot not being himself…earlier this week Elliot was colouring with Greg and revealed that Jacob, his daycare buddy, had told him that he didn’t want to be Elliot’s friend any more. Greg commiserated with him, but didn’t delve into any details. We’re not clear on when this happened, but it might explain some of the angst he’s been going through.

I felt bad for him, but I remember being a kid and I know this crap happens — it happened to me, I probably did it to others, and it sucks. Although I have to admit that I was a bit surprised it came from a four-year-old, and a boy no less. I thought boys were nicer than girls.

Greg talked to Elliot a bit more about it during bedtime, and we left it at that. We were both glad that he was able to talk to us about it.

Then yesterday after spending the day with me, the kids and I headed up to daycare for their annual Canada Day BBQ. As we were leaving, we walked by one of the play areas where Jacob was playing on his own. Elliot yelled out a cheerful “Hi Jacob!”. Jacob said something that I couldn’t quite catch, and Elliot turned to me and said: “Did you hear that Mum? He said he isn’t my friend anymore.” As soon as Elliot repeated the words I realized it was what Jacob had said. And I wanted to drop-kick the kid. Instead I said to Elliot that that wasn’t very nice. Elliot barely skipped a beat before he saw someone else and said “But Nate’s my friend”, which made me feel a bit better.

But it has left me wondering what happened. Sure, kids can be like this, but I was surprised that it was lasting more than a day. And again I’m wondering how much to talk to Elliot about it. My gut says to not dwell on it, and so far I’m going with my gut. Certainly if he brings it up again we can talk about it, or if he seems sad I might mention it. The other thing is whether to talk to his teachers about it. I don’t want to be the kind of parent who fights her kids’ battles for them, but it’s not that I would want them to do anything. It’s more that it might shed some light on what happened between them if I talked to them. I’m curious if Elliot actually did something to Jacob, or if this is just coming out of the blue. And I have to admit to feeling very protective of Elliot right now, and I really hope he’s not hearing this from Jacob every day. Because that would really suck.

Just feeling a bit out of my league here…except I know the most important thing is that Elliot knows Greg and I love him. No matter what.

not himself

Greg and I have been talking recently about how well Elliot is doing at daycare. Compared to a year ago, he’s like a different boy. He enthusiastically goes into the classroom in the mornings, he’s got a couple of kids he really likes to play with, and he seems to be connecting with all three of his teachers.

Until two weeks ago.

For the past couple of weeks, things have been different. When I pick him up he’s often been playing in a corner by himself, or just watching for me. He is much more tentative when we drop him off, and his teachers have said he’s been having a tough time. Not all the time, but he goes up and down throughout the day. And he’s not very communicative with them when he’s not happy, so they haven’t been able to figure out what is wrong.

There’s been a few things going on. One of his teachers left for surgery and will be gone for three months. But she was replaced by another teacher Elliot knows, and I think he likes her. And he definitely likes his other two teachers. One of his friends has been sick for over a week. And Elliot himself hasn’t been feeling all that great. He’s had a sore throat and a cough for at least a week.

I’ve tried to talk to him about it, and he did at one point say he missed Jacob (his friend), but I think I prompted him on that one. And Jacob’s been back for two days now and I don’t see a difference. I haven’t talked about his missing teacher because if he’s not upset about her leaving, I don’t want to put the thought in his head. Yesterday we talked about his sad feelings a bit and he did tell me he missed me during the day. Fair enough, but why is that all of a sudden making him sad?

I’m really struggling with this, as I want to fix it. Now. Especially since he was so happy before. I have to bite my tongue to keep digging, trying to figure out what is wrong. There’s only so much digging you can do with a four-year-old. Plus I don’t want to fixate on it, as I don’t think that’s healthy. It’s not that I want to ignore it, but I think I should be focusing on the positive too.

I don’t think it’s something terribly wrong, because he isn’t crying and clinging to my legs during dropoff, and often when I ask him what his favourite part of his day was, it’s something from daycare. Plus his general behaviour hasn’t changed much. I think if something was really wrong we’d see something at home.

Perhaps it’s just a combination of things. He’s a sensitive kid, both emotionally and physically, so when you add up a teacher leaving with missing a friend and feeling sick yourself, it doesn’t make for an entirely happy kid.

I am finding it hard to balance how much I should talk to him about it, and what I should say when we do talk. Greg pointed out that we should encourage him to talk to his teachers if he’s feeling upset about something, which is very true.

At any rate, I’m hoping things improve soon. He and Amy are spending the weekend with Gramma and that’s always a perk for him.

my smile for the day

Elliot has a Playmobil DHL delivery van that is the DHL yellow and has their logo on the side. He had it in the car with him this morning, and at a stop light we were parked right beside a real DHL van. I pulled up a bit so that Elliot could see the driver, and asked Elliot to hold up his van. The driver noticed, and started laughing. He was talking on the phone and I could tell he was telling whoever he was talking to about it.

Smiles all around.

four? really?

Elliot turned four on Saturday. Every parent says how fast the time goes by, and it does, but this year for me it was the actual age that he was turning. Four just seems a lot older than three.

We celebrated by having pretty much an all-day party with Gramma, Auntie, Renee, Tia K and Lizzy. Presents were opened throughout the day and we had a tea party for lunch (complete with a train cake, pictures to come) and the birthday dinner of Elliot’s choice: pasta with tomato sauce and sausage. We’ll likely be having the same thing on Amy’s birthday.

The highlight of my day was watching Elliot and Lizzy play outside in the 10 degree weather in the sandbox with the Tonka toys. They had the water running into the sandbox and it was pretty much a lake. Elliot soaked through two sets of clothes, but Lizzy managed to stay pretty dry in her party dress. Although about halfway through she did request a change of footwear. Smart girl. At one point, Elliot was leaping off the edge of the sandbox into the lake, and then he’d run over to Lizzy (who at this point was watching from a distance) and she’d towel off the wet sand from his face and hands. Then they’d repeat the process. Seems like we’ve come a long way in the past six months, from a point where I wouldn’t have been comfortable leaving him outside alone with another child, even an older child, for fear it would end in him getting angry and hitting.

I really enjoyed the day, and am thankful that Elliot once again requested a family party. I think he had a fantastic time, and I’m sure he loved all the attention.

is this ever going to get easier?

I dropped Elliot off at daycare today and watched from outside the door for a few minutes, as he seemed even more hesitant than usual. He just stood there, looking around, with a very solemn look on his face. I wanted to wait until I saw him move towards something (or someone), but he didn’t move. I eventually had to go.

Now, if I think practically about this, I can remind myself that he’s almost always happy when I pick him up, there are no tears when I drop him off, he talks about daycare quite a bit, and none of what he says is negative. And I can also remind myself that this is his nature. I know it takes him a while to warm up, especially in group situations. Plus he hasn’t been there since Thursday.

So no, none of this is surprising, but on days like today, when maybe I’m feeling a bit vulnerable myself, I wonder what I’m doing to him as I turn around and leave when he’d rather just spend the day with me.