here we go again

We went through a rough patch with Elliot when he turned three. It lasted a long time (months), and I am still thankful that we are through it. I spoke to a lot of mums through that time, and they all said that three was their hardest year. And they assured me that four would be much better. They were right.

However. We have a second child, and she appears to be hitting her “three” about five months early. It’s a totally different three from Elliot, but I’m still finding it difficult. There is a whole lot of “NO” being yelled in our house (by her), a whole lot of laughing as she does something she knows is wrong, and a whole lot of unprovoked hitting, almost exclusively aimed at her brother. This morning she walked up to him with a dustpan and whacked him. The other day he was sitting defenseless on the toilet and she ran her fingers roughly down his face.

When I drop them off and pick them up at daycare I feel like I’m barely in control as she refuses to put her inside shoes on, takes forever to put her coat on, wings her coat around hitting other people, and says “no” to me about 20 times. At the dinner table we are constantly asking her to stop pushing her feet against the table, to stop getting off her chair, to stop putting her feet ON the table. Often I’m at a loss as to what the right consequence is. And even when I do have a consequence that makes sense (such as removing her from Elliot’s room when she hits him…something that does hit home for her), she immediately is contrite. She apologizes, says “me don’t do that again” and says she’s ready to stop . I’ve been letting her decide when she’s ready to rejoin us when I exile her, but lately I’m wondering if I need to be tougher. Time outs never worked with Elliot but I’m wondering if they would with her. Except that I’m not a fan of them.

I do recognize that this is all normal behaviour, and for the most part I think Greg and I are navigating our way through it with some success. For example, she removed her dishes from the table tonight WITHOUT putting them upside down on her head, and she proudly pointed out to both of us that she was doing it “gently”. So some of it is getting through. And while I feel frustrated at some of her behaviour, what is easier with her than when Elliot was three is she recovers so quickly. So although there is still lots of drama, it’s very short-lived. But it makes for a bit of a roller coaster ride.

I think I just needed to vent a bit. Mission accomplished.